This is a problem that affects the masses

The quick release of intestinal gases

But how do we get to this situation?

Well, it starts in the mouth with mastication

A mouthful of food, a taste sensation

You chew and chomp your delectation

One final chew before you swallow

Lick you lips as another forkful follows

Then into the stomach where a number of factions

Like acids, enzymes and muscular contractions

Move it to the intestines where few tiny bubbles start

To gather together, the birth of the fart

The bubbles get bigger and jostle for position

The start of the journey for rectal emissions

They push past the food thats partially digested

It's done in a hurry as your dinner’s molested

There's some way to go before journey's end

Noisily navigating each intestinal bend

The fart gathers pace and bounces around

It noisily gurgles as it's arsehole bound

There's only one place this can go

That's to the anus the start of the show

Here's the good bit, the noise it generates

Is caused by the sphincter as it flaps and vibrates

Some guffs are quiet as they sneak out

But others less fussy break out with a shout

Farts affect the men and women folk too

It's best noisily echoed whilst sat on the loo

I hear women gasp but go on if you dare

Deny the expulsion of fart scented air

You know you do it as much as the men

But it makes us laugh again and again

Men just aren’t bothered they’ll fart anywhere

Just let it roam free without any care

Ladies are different, a bit disconcerting

They’ll hold it in ’til everything’s hurting

They walk around and ease and squeeze

It out in small chunks like a gentle breeze

We know you do it we're not daft you see

Don't stifle your fart just let it run free

Don’t be afraid, let it be a pleasure

To tickle your arse cheeks, just like a feather

If you smell fart and you don’t know whose

Don’t get angry it was just left to amuse

You just need a retort for when some bugger farted

“A bit more choke and the car would have started"