There’s a bloke we all see, out in town
Swaggers around, a bit of a clown
Fancies himself as a ladies man
But most the ladies are not his fans
He goes out early, or as early as he can
Meets his mates and they hatch a plan
To snare the lasses and have a shag
To not score would be such a drag
When in action, he's got all the patter
To reel off to the ladies, he's trying to flatter
He unleashes his best, proper top drawer
But it's old hat and they've heard it before
They send him away, with a flea in his ear,
Says to his mates "soz lads, didn't know they were queer"
His mates tease him with a bit of banter
The women look over, the wanker
But he's heard it before and he's not down beat
A quick sup of lager and he's back on his feet
Surveying the landscape like a bird spots prey
His crotch starts tingling and he's on his way
Strutting and swaggering across the floor
He's told to fuck off, just like before
A pattern develops, it's not going right
Hasn't copped a feel, it's just not his night
He was full of bravado on this night on the lash
He's had a skinful and splashed all his cash
on a belly full of lager but he wanted more,
Rounding up his mates, heading for the door
But it's not just this evening that's not gone to plan
He gets the last bus back home to his mam
Where she'll be waiting with a cup of tea
A truly sad case cos he's thirty three.
He finishes his drink then up to bed
Where he has a sad wank before resting his head.