Yer know what it's like enjoying a beer
The company of mates cracking atmosphere
It's a great first pint you knock it back
And get another in whilst enjoying the craic
The drinks just flow as the night goes on
Round after round has been and gone
But your bladder is filling from your last drink
and the  trip to the bog’s not as easy as you think
Your brains gone woolly from alcohol absorption
the route to the bog to be planned with caution
What seemed like a simple path before
Now has moving obstacles littering the floor
It’s more like a game of frogger
there’s chances for wipeouts if you linger for longer
So duck and dive and carve a way through
Cheers mate, thanks pal, being polite as you do
Touching the shoulders of those you pass
whilst feeling your piss coming and coming fast
You need to get there and avoid deviation
Your bladder is hurting from over inflation
Past the last hurdle and on the home straight
A satisfying piss will soon be your fate
There's eight feet to go the end is in sight
An old boy pushes past and fucks up the night
He's in through the door and at the urinal
No place for your knob cos that was the final
You look at the cubicles and count the doors
One is occupied that leaves three more
You hear a strange noise and wonder what's the fuss
You see someone drink driving the porcelain bus
Coughing and spluttering all over the road
Spilling the contents of a stomachs full load 
All over the toilet and onto the floor 
Some even splattering  up the bog door
You try the next stall to see if it's better
There's piss on the floor like a river but wetter
The last one you try you think this is it
But alas some dickhead has sprayed it with shit
a right proper mess clean porcelain is sparse
as if sprinkler was attached to their arse
What to do now, you need to think
A quick look around reveals three sinks 
Three white shiny waist high recepticals
With a nice rim for resting your testicles
You unzip your flies and pull out your cock
It touches the porcelain the cold is a shock
It wants to shrivel up not come out to play
But you need a piss not a fucking delay
Your bladder gives in and you need to go
Comedy bulge on your cock as the piss starts to flow
It comes out fast like a gushing tap
It’s rushes round the sink and on to your lap
But that doesn’t matter ‘cos you feel great
But another punter looks fucking irate
Then the embarrassment starts with a mid-piss hiatus
Doesn’t last long but seems fucking ages
You finish and give the old man a wiggle
And a bit of a shake to drain the last dribble 
Pull up your zip rinse round the sink
Back to you mates ‘cos you need a drink
And now you’ve been once you know you can’t stop
‘Cos just like pringles you’re fucked once you’ve ‘popped'